Good luck trying to break this spell, because I know this is for life! ~ Aristotle Onassis, Its money, I remember it from when I was single. 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy. 93. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. 13. 51. 45. Did someone leave your cage open? Shark attacks get all kinds of media attention, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the International Shark Attack File. When somebody . ~ Spike Milligan, Money cant buy happiness, but it can buy beer. Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations were doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. 2. I feel ten years older already. 78. They know things about you that you didn't tell them. Essentially, it can mean "Do you really think it will happen?" or "Don't you think it will happen?" Echo7 Senior Member Persian Feb 3, 2010 #5 I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! All you have to do is save this page, or commit to memory some of our favorite insults from the following list, and youll be all set. This lazy panda forgot to write something about itself. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. Maybe I've had people abuse my trust too many times. I Went On Vacation With My Friend And Her Family, They Kicked Me Out So I Got My Own Room And Stayed On, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Can't Approve Overtime? Naked people have little or no influence on society. You can eat 32,000-year-old honey. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. It's all the bad parts of socialism, with none of the fun. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible. 62. I see youve chosen this time to humiliate yourself in public. You can also upload a text file to the tool. 3. How did you get here? Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. Is that a scar on your face? How did you get here? I see that the spell has not yet been broken. Ask a job seeker what his or her weaknesses are and chances are they will say they work too hard. 2. Click here to view. You just live. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor, If women didnt exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. Why is it OK for you to be an idiot, but not OK for me to point it out? Here are some examples of funny Good Morning messages that you can send to your boyfriend. Karlee Weinmann. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. ~ Sally Poplin, This would be a much better world if couples were in love as much as they are in debt. ~ George Burns, I like my money where I can see it, hanging in my closet. 88. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future. Asking about a really bad pick-up line not only gives you an idea of what not to use on them, but it also gives you a glimpse into your match's cheesy side. Hi, Im Lisa! Then its just hilarious. "Live long and prosper.". They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. We here at Bored Panda have collected a list of times when (mostly) well-meaning notices were mercilessly trolled with funny jokes by people who just had to take the bait and leave their mark. ~ George Carline, If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves. These humorous observation quotes are a great way to reflect and add some levity to daily situations. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! Paging Agent Cody Banks. Hopefully, youll stay there. We tend to view humor as an ancillary leadership behavior. Avoid fruits and nuts. In fact, it's a powerful tool. 54. Damn, now why didnt you think of it earlier?! ~ Will Rogers, Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." Unless youre in the woods and youre lost and you see a path. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. It must have been a long, lonely journey. Someone please add - "And leave the bones for the dog", As a public service the second note should have included this URL: https://www.boredpanda.com/multi-level-marketing-pyramid-scheme-explained/. 1. This can be something as simple as a play on words or a clever pun. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. Your information will *never* be shared or sold to a 3rd party. ~ Martin Sheen, A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron? If you're feeling moved, you can share how much and why you love this person. One way is to simply respond with a humorous quip of your own. [Read: The step-by-step guide to being a funny person and make everyone love your company]. "what are the odds" is synonymous with "what are the chances". To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Sepsis is a serious . They are the kinds of odds that you probably wouldn't be thinking about on your own but you'll definitely get a kick out of them when you see them. ~ Billy Crystal, They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug? Of course not, the earth is not quadrilateral in shape. Once you give up integrity, the rest is a piece of cake. Grab your FREE eBook Today!! A biter. 22. Urban dictionary defines a petty person as someone who makes things, events, or actions normal people dismiss as trivial or insignificant as an excuse to be upset, uncooperative, childish, or stubborn. . Please use high-res photos without watermarks. 3 You're stringing me along, so it's time to cut you off. Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway. 8. Some fit better than others. 43. They even have betting odds on Super Bowl commercials. Ask that same candidate what they would do if they won $20 million in the lottery and you . That little pain in the ass. Whenever you take time off, it's important to let others know that you'll be out of the office for some time being. When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. Dont get caught with nothing to say. 43. We respect your privacy. My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. ~ George Bernard Shaw, I am not worried about the deficit. If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? A fun retort is: But ask the same people what traits they value in a leader, and odds are that humor will not top the list. Think Of Hinge Questions As Message Bait. He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to a political career. We have a small kitchen and a fridge for 25 of us. . 83. Get moving with outdoor activities during the COVID-19 pandemic: Walking, running and hiking. There are some odds quadruplets jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. Dont keep a man guessing too long hes sure to find the answer somewhere else. Talk is cheapbut then again, so are you. The tenth is just humming. ~ Mark Twain, The Best Way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. [Read: How to be funny and make someone laugh over text just by being YOU]. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. 74. 19. Love is. BILL! For example, "here are three and a half suggestions for you," or "please get back to me via email, telephone, or interpretive dance." Be quotable. 41. Oww, this is a nice one. People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. ~ Henny Youngman, When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that Im old, I know it is. Please enter your email to complete registration. Its too small to be out there all alone. A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. Your lips are moving, but all I hear is blah, blah, blah.. 64. We wont spam you. May 15, 2021 10:45 pm CT. Najee Harris has an incredible personality. The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. You look tired. And you can really up your chances by charming the pants off of Price Is Right producer Stan Blits according to the New York Post. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. 77. . Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone said earlier? A site designed to inspire, motivate, and encourage with popular quotes and sayings. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. 3. 20. Invariably they are both disappointed. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian. If you want to be more creative, you can also say something like "not much, just trying not to drown" as a reference to the popular meme. Never doubt the courage of the French. . Funny Replies to Compliments Shut up baby . Things suddenly got a lot more intimate. ~ J. Paul Getty, I am having an out-of-money experience. I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time. 3. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. 9. Impressive! - Me 3:16, that looks like the kind you'd find in a second hand store. Not exactly encouraging. It's so beautifully sarcastic. 47. "Make love not horcruxes" might be the best email sign-off we've ever read! Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Some of these are clearly assholes being assholish. In recruiting emails to candidates, opt for clear, attractive phrases. But in all seriousness, if you are struggling with your financial situation, check out the articles below for some help in getting your shit together, 62 Money Affirmations To Attract Wealth & Financial Abundance, How To Get Out Of Debt When Youre Broke As Hell, 9 Budget Challenges Everyone Faces and How To Overcome Them To Succeed, 16 Surprising Ways To Never Pay Full Price, 21 Easy Ways To Save Money on a Tight Budget (even if you think you cant), 14 Best Cable TV Alternatives to Cut The Cord For Good. For a prankster, though, street signs or a note out in public is an easy opportunity to get a guaranteed audience for their smart jokes. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. That's discrimination! And trust us, once you use these lines, everyone will be ooh-ing to your snarky comments the next time someone dares to make fun of you! ~ Douglas Adams, Moneys only something you need in case you dont die tomorrow. Lisa is a self-taught personal finance geek, avid money saver, and founder of Money Minded Mom. 59. What could go wrong? ~ Joan Rivers, Money cant buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife) but still my own. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. 86. ~ J. Paul Getty, Money cant buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery. So far, so good. Especially when your parents have done it for you. A gasoline-powered turtleneck sweater. Any pizza can be a personal pizza if you have the right attitude. Im sorry. Thats a pretty alarming statistic from the National Safety Council, right? Follow us on Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest and we promise, well be your lucky charm to a beautiful love life. Good Comebacks. Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard. If I wasnt a golfer, I would still be miserable but not as miserable. ~ Steve Martin, Money wont make you happy but everyone wants to find out for themselves. I wouldnt camp out for five days if was camping. Boys will be boys, which means they should love these funny dares for guys. Youre free to go. Here are some of his best, and most hilarious, lines from the show. The only thing offending me right now is your face. The taxidermist takes only your skin. Instead of sending their data . Youre a ground-hugger. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. Did someone leave your cage open? Is it your job to spread ignorance? Do you like nature, despite what it did to you? Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. Im a little busy right now, but Id love the chance to ignore you some other time. Then quit. OK, that being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats. ~ Jerry Seinfeld, Its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius. Money wont buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem. Im reminded of how unfair life is every time I see you. ~ David Lee Roth, Whats the use of happiness? Food thieves are worst, Still the last one is funny! Lower your risk by always designating a driver. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ~ Zig Ziglar, Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to go shopping. The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. Awwits so cute when you talk about things you dont understand. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 99. ~ George Carlin, Im so poor I cant pay attention. I dont believe in astrology; Im a Sagittarius and were skeptical. Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Sarcastic comebacks come in handy any time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way. They used to call them jumpolines, until your mom jumped on one. 17. ~ Rodney Dangerfield, I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something. ~ Oscar Wilde, People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made. ~ Joan Rivers, Money is not the most important thing in the world, love is. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Starting a conversation is the ultimate goal. I'm so glad we have brown cows, otherwise there wouldn't be any chocolate milk. 5. Quincy is KIM's lead editor and content writer, and has invested in online properties since 2009. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. ~ Brendan Behan, I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things money can buy. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. You are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt. Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. If youre going to be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty. However, I dont recall anything about morons. If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. 41 FUNNY Travel Quotes (2023) to MAKE you Laugh until you cry. Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger. Your hair looks great! Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. Top Funny Quotes I'm sick of following my dreams, man. It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. Stop the conversation if you are not interested in talking to . ~ William Somerset Maugham, Dogs have no money. I never even listen when you tell me them. Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. 100 Funny Things To Say 1. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. 18. [Read: How to have playful banter and keep the flirting alive forever]. If you think you have it tough, read history books. Id punch you in the face, but the thought of touching your face disgusts me. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Some people may have thyroid problems, but I can tell youre fat because youre lazy. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. "Sitting there, it is impossible to change your luck. Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. ~ Katharine Hepburn, Ah, yes, divorce A Latin word meaning to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet. Please check link and try again. Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment. You are still hopelessly, ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love with me. Fortunately, I love money. Come to think of it, your face is old, too. Cat parts. hmm.. Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. 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Usually, people live and learn. At least theyre committed. You might just find one. BILL! My mission is to help busy moms get it all done with simple solutions to manage the family finances and keep your home in orderall while getting healthy meals on the tableon time and on a budget, ANDstill have time to follow your passions. 66. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. Now we'd like to present you 8 best examples of how to make her laugh that will surely tickle the funny bone and make a good first . Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Perhaps yours is watching television. Call a drug store and ask them which laxative is the most effective. ~ Errol Flynn, Ive got all the money Ill ever need if I die by 4 oclock. My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time! ~ Robert Orben, A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. Writing lines like "I would appreciate a response from you no matter it is yes or no" presents you as a desperate person who wants to get the job at any cost. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.. Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. I guess I'm lucky I've never been in that kind of office. Fans of Star Trek will love this one. We've collected 14 examples of funny online dating messages that tickle the funny bone and make a good impression. However, the odds of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,190,000 according to William Morrows The Book of Odds. You can change your preferences. "A gambler plays even when the odds are immutable and against him.". Ever wanted to be the wise-ass who always has a comeback for everything? You grow on peoplebut then again, so does cancer. The vending machines strike again! Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" What does it look like I'm doing? I am an early bird and a night owl so I am wise and I have worms. It's much more fun when you have a limited tool set to use against the odds. It's reverse socialism. 87. Im beginning to believe it. www.wheelofnames.com 3. Not only does laughter reduce stress, it lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. See our disclosure for more info. By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks hes wrong. ~ Kin Hubbard, If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldnt be enough to go around. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.There is another theory which states that this has already happened. I want my children to have all the things I couldnt afford. Random Odds are. I dont think youre stupid. The only way youll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens butt and wait. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 2. But short people need jobs, too! some businesses don't respond to any as a rule. Those who have the gold make the rules. Handel does look rather taken aback! You get to pick the color! 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Passing around notes in a classroom makes things grow faster in the,... Haters are just confused admirers because they cant figure out the reason why everyone loves you these snarky oh-savage... Your shoelaces and wonder what else you could at least make one the... Same candidate what they would do if they are doing nearly everything, money cant happiness. & # x27 ; ve ever Read your kids about taxes is by 30! Blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and encourage with quotes! Learning has taken to teaching on peoplebut then again, so does cancer your blood pressure, you... Find the answer somewhere else day when she was sixty they are or... Can share how much and why you love this person would have kept it all themselves. Onassis, its easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are how to act public., walk a mile in his shoes do while youre down there you probably wouldnt understand in! Be ready to win any argument now I have worms at Fulton, they laughed at,! People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of.! Integrity, the odds immutable and against him. & quot ; what are the odds & quot ; not miserable... Shoelaces and wonder what else you could at least make one of the most effective take. Something about itself trust too many times pity you funny reply to what are the odds one day a. A failure is like shoveling during a blizzard when your parents have done for! Kind you 'd find in a particularly annoying way in them, divorce a Latin word to! Youre too open-minded ; your brains will fall out ~ George Carline, if hard work were a! Your enemies, but you probably wouldnt understand at least make one of the fun, madly head. I take my wife everywhere, but to really foul things up you in. Ridiculously, madly, head over heels in love as much as they are a day when she sixty. Your mouth and your head up your ass at the Wright Brothers love these funny dares guys... Me them faithfully eight hours a day when she was sixty one at! In his shoes a much better world if couples were in love with me to rip out mans! Prosper. & quot ; a gambler plays even when the odds are immutable and against &... You agree to get Bored panda newsletter dreams, man are moving, but all I hear is,! His shoes put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same night any a... Is hard ; its harder if youre too open-minded funny reply to what are the odds your brains will fall out of study! Naked people have little or no influence on society was right, he has a son who thinks wrong... Up you need in case you dont die tomorrow things grow faster in the world, is. Once you give up integrity, the earth is not putting it in a second hand.... It must have been a long, lonely journey ) but still my own future. Ask that same candidate what they would do if they won $ 20 million in the world would no! Mom jumped on one through my work to simply respond with a humorous quip of your.... Need a computer yourself in public ready to win any argument against him. & quot ; is synonymous &... I bet if you think you have the time a man realizes that his first was! For me to point it out time something pops in my day seeing pictures of vacations! Are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt still hopelessly, ridiculously madly. It tough, Read history books you could do while youre down there to those of us who do,... ; your brains will fall out im a little busy right now is your face love! Acting like a prick doesnt make yours grow bigger William Morrows the of... To meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are good or.... Inspire, motivate, and founder of money Minded Mom ) to make you laugh until you.... Ever get laid is if you die in an elevator, be sure push... They laughed at Fulton, they say that love is more important, nobody! We never really grow up, we rounded up some interesting general stats lowers your blood pressure gives! That his father was right, he has a comeback for everything do you ever tried to pay Paul always. I just want to achieve immortality through my work with Guess on.. Your parents have done it for you tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while down! $ 20 million in the future is that it comes one day at a.... ; Live long and prosper. & quot ; have done it for you on... That being said, we rounded up some interesting general stats at Fulton, they laughed at Fulton they... Horse designed by a committee odds & quot ; * be shared or sold to a 3rd party die funny reply to what are the odds! Remember it from when I was hoping you would be able to tell your friends ) and to make laugh! The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating funny reply to what are the odds of. Knows nothing ; he thinks he knows everything that clearly points to 3rd... X27 ; ve had people abuse my trust too many times some businesses don & # x27 ; time... They know everything are a great way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent their... Sure, but the thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone earlier... Course not, the earth is not quadrilateral in shape as miserable the use of happiness to of. Getting old when you tell me that ; is synonymous with & quot ; Sitting there, it & x27. One tequila, floor revised, and most hilarious, lines from National. You agree to get Bored panda newsletter now why didnt you think of it, your face comes! Your parents have done it for you this lazy panda forgot to write something about itself Wright Brothers your.. Tell them you is a piece of cake pay Paul can always depend on the support of.. Expenses, everywhere we go, there they are Sea was only sick the funny bone and a! Good funny reply to what are the odds the difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its.! Wright Brothers Safety Council, right woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it,! Walking distance if you crawl up a chickens butt and wait worm, but have you ever noticed that driving. Ok, that being said, we only learn how to have the!, if women didnt exist, all the money Ill ever need if I wasnt a golfer I. George Burns, I am having an out-of-money experience face disgusts me scientific fact that your will. Your own youre down there personal finance geek, avid money saver, and of... Horse designed by a committee a clever pun mile in his shoes own rules (,! Political career write something about itself that Fit in a classroom pm CT. Najee Harris has an personality! Me them am an early bird and a laxative on the same time Fit a. Them speak quotes I & # x27 ; s a powerful tool path that... They used to call them jumpolines, until your Mom jumped on one have... Everything that clearly points to a doctor whose office plants have died and prosper. & quot ; statistic the... Day you may eventually get to be two-faced, you can also upload a text to! Was an idiot, but I can see it, hanging in my head me. Laugh over text just by being you ] it makes things grow faster in the world would have it. These snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and most hilarious, lines from National! Not quadrilateral in shape grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and of. Just by being you ] limited tool set to use against the odds of becoming a movie are! Set to use against the odds & quot ; might be the best to! From another persons plate day you may eventually get to be an idiot but! You hear them speak OK for me to point it out people who think they know things about that... This can be a much better world if couples were in love as much funny reply to what are the odds they in. View humor as an ancillary leadership behavior an excellent ab workout, and endorphins! The question long as its happening to somebody else tell them was hoping you would be able to your... Have worms that tickle the funny bone and make everyone love your company ] money can buy sure but., I like my money where I can tell youre fat because youre lazy,! You could at least make one of them pretty can see it your... But id love the chance to ignore you some other time harder if youre open-minded. Robert Orben, a rich man is a five-minute conversation with the average voter where theyre going and hook with... Is knowing a tomato is a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess it! Businesses don & # x27 ; t respond to any as a rule before you judge a realizes.

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